Gun Rights

The United States has about 120 guns per 100 people. That’s according to the latest information I could find on Wikipedia.

That’s about double the second place Falkland Islands with about 62 guns per 100 people.

So it’s clear now that we have more guns than people. Let’s think this through. How does any gun violence happen when so many people are able to be the proverbial good guy with a gun that stops a bad guy with a gun? Who are these good guys with guns, and where are they when we need them? It seems like we have plenty of guns for these good guys, so they need to step it up and be there when we need them.

Seeing that these good guys with guns are not fulfilling our expectations, we need to take another action to stop gun violence. With more guns than people (at least more guns not in good guys’ hands), there is only one reasonable solution to gun violence.

Guns are there and will be there. We desire and require guns. We were bequeathed guns by George Washington, James Madison, and the rest of those freedom-loving land- and slave-owners who drafted the divinely inspired Constitution. Their guns could barely kill someone standing twenty feet away, but if they could have had access to AK-47s, they’d say, “Now that’s a gun. If we had these during the war, America would have been established after the Boston Tea Party.”

So how do we stop gun violence, since gun ownership is immutable?

We’re not going to ban guns—right?—so let’s ban people. It’s the only logical response.

Banning people would mean fewer people out in public, making gun incidents really difficult to execute. How are you going to shoot people from moving cars, if there is no one on the streets? Why would anyone open fire in a mall, if the mall were empty?

I’m not going to go into the details of my framework of how to reduce gun violence. I’ll leave that up to politicians, especially those who understand why there is not another reasonable option. I just want to offer up the idea, for America’s benefit. Let others figure out the logistics here.

But keep the guns. Collect them by the dozen. And sit in your apartment or house, or bunker, with your Netflix and vitamin water, unable to step outside.

But able to explode penetrating holes in sofas, or walls, or toasters, or sandwiches.